rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
