my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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