I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
