Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
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When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
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Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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