So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
