six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
