That's intense
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
