Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
