office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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