I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
