my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
