make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
