i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
