when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I have post one night stand depression
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
