I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
