Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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