Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
do nipples grow back?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
