Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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