I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i dont even know how to be here
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
