There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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