you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
