i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
