She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
COCAINE IS GR8
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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