I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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