I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
