Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
