If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
