If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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