If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
