Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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