I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
