Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
