She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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