my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
