he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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