we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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