If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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