pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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