remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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