So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
