Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
