Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
