Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
