First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
This show inspires me to have sex in space
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
