So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
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There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
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Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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