It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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