I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
