we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize