I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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