I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he fucked my hip out of place.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
