So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
