She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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