I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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