Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
