Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
