i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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