Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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