im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
