that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
