You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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