I've blown a few things in my day
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
