what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
