how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
