Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
