so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
