the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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