nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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