Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
