I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
