Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
