Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
