This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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