I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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