Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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