He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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