You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
