the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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