I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
