I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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