You were right. It hurts to walk today.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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