I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
