I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
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