I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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