Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
