I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
